Welcome to the Jokes archive, a collection of the best jokes and one-liners - from the naughty to the irreverent to the politically incorrect. Scoured from the net and deposited right here for your enjoyment.
There will be categories covering
Bloke jokes
Blonde jokes
Computer jokes
One liners
Rude jokes
Sick jokes
and much more. But for now here's a few starters.
These jokes may contain potentially offensive content.
You can't take it...
Just before Rob died, he said to his wife, " When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to afterlife with me." And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.
Well, he died, he was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black and her friend was sitting next to her.
When they finished the ceremony just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!' She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away.
So her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband."
She said, "Listen, I'm a Christian, I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was gonna put that money in that casket with him."
"You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!!!!?"
"I sure did," said the wife. "I wrote him a cheque. If he can cash it, he can spend it."... Never Underestimate The Intelligence Of A Woman!
Don't Kick what you eat...
A little boy came down to breakfast. Since they lived on a farm, this mother asked if he had done his chores. 'Not yet', said the little boy. His mother tells him he can't have any breakfast until he does this chores.
Well, he's a little pissed, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks pig. He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.'
How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?' he asks. 'Well', his mother says, 'I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon, either. I also saw you kick the cow, so you aren't getting any milk this morning.'
Just about then, his father comes down for breakfast, and he kicks the cat as he's walking into the kitchen. The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says, 'Are you going to tell him, or should I?'
Jokes Archive