1. Introduction to Common Household Objects I: The Mop
2. Introduction to Common Household Objects II: The Iron
3. Dressing Up: Beyond the Funeral and the Wedding
4. Refrigerator Forensics: Identifying and Removing the Dead
5. Design Pattern or Splatter Stain on the Lino?: You CAN Tell the Difference!
6. If It's Empty, You Can Throw It Away: Accepting Loss I
7. Milk Expired Three Weeks Ago, Refrigeration won't Bring It Back: Accepting Loss II
8. Going to the Supermarket: It's Not Just for Women Anymore!
9. Recycling Skills I: Boxes that the Electronics Came In
10. Recycling Skills II: Polystyrene that Came in the Boxes that the gadget came in
11. Bathroom Etiquette I: How to Remove Shaving Stubble from the Sink
12. Bathroom Etiquette II: Let's Wash Those Towels!
13. Bathroom Etiquette III: Five Easy Ways to Tell When You're About to run Out of Toilet Paper!
14. Giving Back to the Community: How to Donate 15-Year-Old Levis to Oxfam
15. Retro? Or Just Hideous?: Re-examining Your 1970s Polyester Shirts
16. No, The Dishes Won't Wash Themselves: Knowing the Limitations of Your Kitchenware
17. Romance: More Than a Cable Channel!
18. Going Out to Dinner: Beyond the Pizza Hut
19. Expand Your Entertainment Options: Renting Videos That Don't Fall under the "Action/Adventure" Category
20. Yours, Mine, and Ours: Sharing the Remote
21. Adventures in Housekeeping I: Let's Clean the Toilet
22. Adventures in Housekeeping II: Let's Clean Under the Bed
23. Directions: It's Okay to Ask for Them
24. Listening: It's Not Just Something You Do During Halftime
25. Accepting Your Limitations: Just Because You Have Power Tools Doesn't Mean You Can Fix It
The Eve of Creation
One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, "Lord, I have a problem!"
"What's the problem, Eve?" God asks her.
"Lord," she says, "I know you've created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedy snake, but I'm just not happy."
"Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.
"Lord, I am lonely. And I'm sick to death of apples," she says.
"Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you," the good Lord tells her.
"What's a 'man', Lord?" she inquires.
"This man will be a flawed creature, with aggressivetendencies, an enormous ego and an inability to empathize or listen to you properly. All in all, he'll give you a hard time. But, he'll be bigger and faster and more muscular than you. He'll be really good at fighting and kicking a ball about and hunting fleet-footed ruminants, and not altogether bad in the sack."
"Sounds great," says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow.
"Yeah, well. He's better than a poke in the eye with a burnt stick. But, you can have him on one condition."
"What's that, Lord?" she asks.
"You'll have to let him believe that I made him first."
Men are Like...
Laxatives... They irritate the shit out of you.
Bananas... The older they get, the less firm they are.
Vacations... They never seem to be long enough.
Weather... Nothing can be done to change them.
Blenders... You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
Chocolate Bars... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
Mascara... They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
Popcorn... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
Snowstorms... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get, or how long it will last.
Lava Lamps... Fun to look at, but not very bright.
Parking Spots... All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped
Training Courses Now Available for Men
